


Is It Like Today?

by just_plain_fanfics



Series: Today [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: :), Angst, M/M, Trans Keith (Voltron), You've been warned, gay and pining keith, maybe there'll be a second part eventually, not happy ending, soft at first then Not Soft, suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-08 15:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12867585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_plain_fanfics/pseuds/just_plain_fanfics
Summary: A dream Keith has, and an unhappy feeling that comes with it.





	Is It Like Today?

**Author's Note:**

> me: comes back from a short writing break with some angst

Keith sighs, sitting back further so he's pressed more firmly against Lance. He feels Lance breath out a breathy chuckle, the warm air hitting his the side of his neck. A kiss is placed there too, a soft pair of lips that send an electric shiver down Keith's spine. He leans into it. Lance rubs his thumb over the back of Keith's hand, and they both sigh. 

It's a slow morning, a comfortable one. A morning the two of them would spend soaking in the warm light streaming in through the curtains, snuggling together in their bed. One where they would sit in silence, but also exchange banter and laughs. Lance would complain about being cold, and Keith would tell him to "put on a shirt, then". Lance would laugh, and maybe make a joke about how he's sure Keith loves to see him topless anyways. Keith would roll his eyes, and pretend that the blush on his cheeks isn't there. It's that kind of morning. 

Keith pulls Lance's arms closer around him, leaning his head back to rest on Lance's shoulder. He can see Lance better from here, and tilts his head to place a kiss on his cheek. Missing Lance's cheek slightly, Keith's lips slide over Lance's cheek messily, ending up near his ear. Lance smiles anyways, a fond look in his eyes. He kisses Keith on the cheek, the nose, the forehead, the jaw. Lance ends at Keith's lips, slotting them together for a brief moment. 

"Hey, babe." A soft smile and a smooth voice. Keith grins, squeezing Lance's hand in his own. It's warm against his. "What do you want to do today?" 

"Let's stay in bed. Sleep." It's an easy answer, met with an easy smile. Lance hugs his arms around Keith tighter, burrowing his head into the small juncture by his shoulder and neck. 

"Sounds good to me. We could both use some rest." The soft and relaxed tone to Lance's voice falters for a moment, and Keith's brows crinkle. He feels like he's missing something, that there's something he can't remember. Why do they need rest? Why did Lance's voice go cold at the mention of it?

Keith opts to ignore it. Instead he leans into Lance's touch, playing with his hands. The ring on his hand. Keith finds a small smile creeping over his lips at the sight of it. He watches how the two rings come together, the one on his finger and the one on Lance's, and how they seem to glow when near the other one. They aren't marriage rings, since both boys are much too young for anything like that. Just a ring on the first pointer finger, a bond. To symbolize their love. And the promise Lance made. 

_"I swear, when we get out of here, I'm going to marry you for real. For now, let's just stick together and have each other's backs."_

Keith smiles. He doesn't understand one part of it, though. What does Lance mean, 'when we get out of here'? Where is 'here'? Keith feels a stinging pain in the back of his mind, as if a piercing light has struck through his head. 

Everything seems blurry, unfocused, like he's looking at it through a fish eye lens, and Keith reaches out for something to steady himself. He grabs something. Lance's hand. Holding Lance's hand, Keith pulls it to his chest, holding it there. 

His chest feels funny. it's so flat, and running his hand, fingers still entwined with Lance's, over it makes him giggle under his breath. It feels really nice. Not exactly the same, but nice. It feels like it's missing something, even if this way is better. 

It's still nice. It feels right, even if it's different. But Keith still can't tell why it feels different, why everything feels switched around in his brain. He's tempted to ask Lance about it, ask him if he feels anything, ask him why everything feels so foreign. They should be in their room, right? The bed, in their small apartment next to the university. Keith asks, his curiosity too strong. 

"Hey... Does anything feel, I don't really know how to say... weird to you? Like, you can't remember something that seems important?" Keith presses his thumb against the palm of Lance's hand, distracting himself from looking up. A crescent moon appears beneath where his thumb had been. He hears Lance suck in a breath, feels his chest rise behind him. 

"Uh, no, why? Should I have?" Finally lifting his eyes from the sheets, Keith looks up a Lance. He sucks a breath in. Lance is really beautiful. His face has a confused look, one that reminders him of the boy he met so long ago. Confused, innocent, unperturbed by anything. The look turns into a wolfish grin when he sees Keith staring, and Keith is quick to flush and turn away. Like a teenage boy, new to love. As if they haven't been doing this forever. 

"Not really. Just wondering." Nothing. Not a clue. Well, whatever. It can't be that important, if he can't even remember it. He allows himself to forget his worries for a moment, breathing out slowly and letting his eyelids flutter shut.

He has an over whelming urge to tell Lance he loves him. Nothing is really stopping him, so why shouldn't he? They're cuddling in their shared bed, after all. Keith's tongue darts out between his lips, wetting them slightly. 

"I love you, Lance." 

"I love you too, Keith. So much." A neat kiss is pressed to his shoulder, and a hand that isn't his own rests on his knee. Keith smiles again, the corners of his lips lifting up. His cheeks are warm. 

Just as he starts to settle back against Lance, something goes through his head. A barely audible sound, but one that fills him with panic nonetheless. He's on edge, and even Lance's hand moving soothingly on his back is forgotten. 

 

He shakes, something is there, something loud. What could it be? He needs to remember, to remember some important piece of information. His brain feels split apart, as if someone inside it, flipping tables and overturning full boxes of stuff. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears, the rushing of blood pounding heavy in his head. 

Flashes of light, colour, through his mind. The colour red. A lions face. An explosion. Laughter, of people he seems to know. There's a blinding pain behind his eyes as he sits up in bed. 

Sits up in bed? A pulsing alarm rings through his head, louder than ever. He tries to blink it away, only realizing a moment later that it's not in his head, instead blasting over the intercom in his room. 

His.... room? Where's Lance? Where are the same soft sheets from a moment ago? Keith looks down at himself. No. No no no. His chest, unlike the flat one in the dream has a distinctive bump. Gritting his teeth, he tears his eyes away and pulls himself out of bed. 

It takes him only a few moments to get ready, before he's rushing out the door. 

It comes back to him. Leaving the Garrison. Space. War. Lance. And drills, like the one undoubtedly going on right now. Running through the halls, Keith tries to shake off the cold grasp the dream still has on him, trying desperately to bring himself back to reality. A reality where he and Lance are rivals. That spur each other on, but don't exchange soft words afterwards. A reality where Lance could never love him. A reality where Keith is so truly, unavoidably, indefinitely, alone. 

Crashing into Red's hanger, Keith jumps into the cockpit and finds his seat quickly. He needs to go now. Of course he's already late, there's nothing he can do about that, but he can still catch up. The pressure of taking off is the same as usual, but this time it feels like his heart is dropping along with his stomach, never to come back. 

 

"Sorry I'm late, guys." There's a chorus of voices, the ones Keith knows. Should know. Should be thankful to hear again, with his head less in the clouds. Somehow, his heart sinks further. Especially when Lance speaks. 

"Oh, look who finally decided to show up." It's said with a teasing lilt, and a hint of worry the Keith refuses to think of as anything other than a hopeful shred left over from the dream. He turns his emotions over quickly, firing back at Lance. 

"Yeah, like you've never been late before." It's a cheap shot. He doesn't hate Lance. He doesn't mean to pick a fight whenever they meet, but it's what slips from his lips, the only way he knows how to act. Yeah, so maybe he doesn't have a lot of experience talking to boys. It's not like it matters, when there's no chance of this one ever liking him back. 

Lance gasps, audibly, and Keith bites the inside of his cheek. He can't smile. Shouldn't be smiling. But a part of him enjoys the dramatic reactions he can get from Lance. Lance is like that, easy to rile up, fun to argue with. Unfortunately for Keith, it's probably not the best way to go about picking up a boy. But Keith never really did like to make things easy on himself.

"Guys, knock it off. Let's just get to forming Voltron." Shiro's tired voice breaks up their argument, and Keith frowns. Right. 

Forming Voltron. They should be fine to do that, Keith is good at holding in his feelings so there's no way they'll leak through. He's gotten used to it over the time they've spent in space. He flies in formation with the rest of them, trying to focus his everything into the exercise. 

He can't. He can't focus, flashes of his dream still flying through his mind. It was so vivid. Keith's mind keeps going back to the realness of it, how true it felt when he was laying next to Lance. His vision swims. Keith swerves away from the formation at the last moment, veering off to the side before grunting in annoyance.

"Hey, Keith! What was that all about?" Lance's lion levels out next to his, flying in sync. Gritting his teeth, Keith tries to clear his mind. Breath in and out. Keith looks back up, feeling the heat rise back into his cheeks when he glances at Lance's lion. 

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Keith takes a deep breath, relaxing his shoulders. 

And as if it were a memory file on a computer, Keith erases the memories. He forgets. Tries really hard to. There's still the lingering feeling of Lance's lips against his own, but he forces it down, out, away. No one will know the difference. 

Keith will be fine. He can control his emotions, he'll be just fine. No one has to know about the dream, the secure feeling of it, the way he thought it was just might be real. Keith won't tell anyone. He doesn't need to confess to someone who will never love him back, someone that sees him as nothing more than a rival, a teammate at best. Keith can just forget. 

His face turns cold, he clears his head and takes a breath in. When he opens his eyes, his mind is empty, and he's calm. Keith's face shows no emotion, nothing visible, unless you were too look deep inside him, see the way his mind and heart are crumbling. His iron grip on the controls of his lion betray nothing but his determination. 

He's fine. _~~But for how long?~~_

**Author's Note:**

> wooooooooo
> 
>  
> 
> (lemme know if you want a continuation w a happy ending bc i can't stand angst)


End file.
